i don't think

i can do this.
i don't think i can handle it.

i just need to focus.
mainly on myself.

whether you believe it or not,

i know what unhappiness is, cause i've sure felt it for the past year of my life. both of you have been here and seen how just a few people have treated me and saw how terrible that ended up, and yet you don't even know half my past. but i don't know what being unhappy is? i'm almost 18 fucking years old, seriously? i've had more "best friends" than i can count on both hands because all of them did something fucked up to me. i had to move schools because i literally wanted to kill myself being there, and believe me, it's came damn close to the same thing recently. i hate this town, i hate these people, and i especially hate the fucking high school. i'm so glad to almost be out of it.

and i'm SELFISH? HAHAHAHAHAHAH......................................................HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
that is THE FUNNIEST thing i've ever heard out of any of my friend's mouths.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
first of all, I AM UNHAPPY. AND I HAVE BEEN. you can NOT make someone else happy before you make yourself. i've been trying to do so for the past, eh, YEAR?
for the past, 5 months of my life my best friend has lived with me. i've taken her everywhere. paid for her food. bought her things. i gave up hanging out with so many of my friends just to make sure she had somewhere to go. MY PARENTS PAID HER CELL PHONE BILL, AND GAVE HER MONEY. i didn't have to do a damn thing. not to mention, the whole situation put MORE stress on the stress i already have. and i get THIS in return? from BOTH of you?

and what is so damn wrong about talking to my mother? i'm sorry, she's kind of my best friend and i kind of trust her more than anyone else in this fucked up world, so i can tell her any damn thing i want to and i'm okay with that. i don't give a damn who that pisses off. maybe everyone should try being friends with their parents, cause i definitely like hanging out with mine more than 98% of the people i know. but then again, mine definitely kick ass. i feel sorry for those who don't have parents like mine. and once again, that's exactly why BOTH of them know almost everything that goes on in my life. i mean fuck, they brought me into this world.

i'm sorry i have a life outside of you. i'm sorry i've spent so much money and time on you BOTH. given you both things you needed. i had in return friendship, and now i have bullshit. looks like i'm even more alone in this world than ever. i really only have one best friend it seems. i love you crystal!!!!!! (and happy birthday <3) i'm tired of giving and not receiving. don't expect much from me anymore so don't come crying back to me.

i was really considering UT in knoxville. now UT in chattanooga looks so much more appealing than ever.