finally,

after months and months.
i feel happy. not COMPLETELY happy. but definitely better than i have.

so far 2010 has been waaaaay better as a collect than 2009 ever was. it was definitely one of the worst years of my life. but i think it was that way for a reason. i learned so much from all the pain i went through, i guess to get me here. i refuse to believe that where i am now isn't because of a purpose. that's God's plan anyways, he has a purpose for everything and i guess it's finally starting to come together bit by bit, slowly. and i'd rather it come slowly than never. even though destiny has moved to virginia, she's still here. and so is kol. and i finally realized who is right for me, and i couldn't be happier with matthew daniel mcconkey as my boyfriend. i've never been treated so well by anyone, and i wouldn't want it any other way. he's already taught me so much so far, and we've already been through so much. and the fact that we've known each other for almost 4 years really helped out to where we are now. it's gonna be hard when i move, but i know we can do it. i've done it plenty times before. and no one will break us apart. -COUGH- especially the ones who have already tried. :P

senior year is coming to an end, almost. it's so crazy.  i feel like i was a sophomore yesterday. even a freshman. i'm so excited to move on and see what's in store for my future, but i'll miss everything too. graduation is literally 3 months away from today (may 15) and my 18th birthday is just four days before that. and we've got about 2 and a half months left of school. i can't believe i'll be moving in just 5 months. sure, chattanooga isn't that far but living on my own is going to be so much different. at least i'll have my best friend crystal to help me along the way. :)
my parents will still be here, of course. and i'll still come home probably like 4 times a month, but i guess i'll be learning a lot about life. but UT at chattanooga is calling mine and crystal's name! get ready!!! i can't wait!

i hope that all of my expectations aren't too high for the rest of this year. that would really suck, but if things keep going the way i think and they seem to be, then this year will be just peachy!

the only things i need to fix are the things with myself, still, of course. i feel like i don't talk to anyone i used to anymore. i only hang out with certain people. and it's only like 5 people. i want to change that. i want to see more people more often, meet new people. but that's what college is for, eh? oh well, i just miss the old days a lot. but hopefully the future will turn out just as good as all the memories i have of the past. and i thank everyone who made those memories, especially in 2008 and everyone knows who you are. and i thank all of the people and the shit and misery they put me through in 2009 to get where i am now.

and most of all i thank God for giving me everything that i've ever needed and i know he's got a great plan for me and all of my friends in the future. and i won't let myself mess that up. i thank Him so much for my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, and the freedom to make the choices that i do. which most of them aren't exactly right, but i have DEFINITELY gotten better at some things. i hope it continues to stay this way.

my life has been full of ups and downs since high school has started, and i know that's part of being a teenager. i'm ready to close this chapter of my life and open this brand new one. i can't wait to see where it all takes me and what all i learn from it.