weekends:

I love them. Last night was nothing short of amazing.
I spent it mostly with Karen, Sarah, Hannah, Crystal, and Kayla at the show. I love them! All of us together is just so much fun. WE know what's up.

Afterwards, ate some Krystal burgers then went to hang out with a bunch of people in Kingsport. That was verrrrrrry interesting hahah. Basically, just lots of fun.

This summer is gonna be known as me never gettin' any sleep. There seems to be one day out of the week, sometimes two, where I'll only sleep for a few hours at night. Like, two maybe, but I feel fine and sleep fine the next. I like it, actually. I get a lot of stuff done usually. And I'm helping save water :D

Tonight we're all hangin' out for Destiny finally getting back in town from Ohio. Can't wait to see her! I love her. Girl time :)
And on that note....I've got to go get ready to hang out with them. It's gonna be a fun night.

I love weekends. :)

honestly....

i'm not even about to go into it about what happened today.

but like kol says "fuck wednesday." overall, today was badass actually. 
hung out with crystal and karen all day. rose so much hell. even the 5-0 was lookin for us ;)
went to yoga class though. DEFINITELY GOING BACK. yoga rules. 
karen caught the most annoying turtle today. gooooodddddddddddddd it succccckeddddd.
finally let that shit go at the park. 

the rest i'm not going into detail. except this whore thinks she's got what i want and she thinks she's getting back at me by trying to get me in legal trouble. what she doesn't know is I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. i'm glad all that ended before i wasted even more of my time, so she can deal with it next. don't come cryin back to me when he did the same thing he did to me twice, if you don't get to him first. that's what sluts do. not sure how that's gonna back fire.

this summer hasn't exactly started out like planned. i'm not exactly on good terms with much of anything right now except for my friends. but it's whatever. i already knew this summer couldn't top endless summer 08. nothing will i don't think. but i'll do what i can to make the best.
if i can.

i've got the right people around me and the unnecessary ones are out of my life. GFY.

Tough Test.

When you throw these fits, I only see what I want to see. 

We need to talk just means, you'll never be what I need you to be.

I need to be told, I need to be sold 
There were times you stayed so silent 

L.ooking 
O.ut 
V.isionless 
E.yes 

What were you hoping to find? Are you even human on the inside? 

This is just like old times with you. You're so quiet and I'm kicking over everything in the room 

When I throw these fits, you just see what you want to see. 

"We need to talk" just means we have nothing to fight for.

last night.

was kind of a roller coaster. didn't do shit all day til like 7:30ish.  felt like dad pretty much called me a dumbass cause i missed a shit load of questions on my mock ACT test. don't really care anymore though.

i saw someone i hadn't seen in a long time. that's what i hate about being with someone. i can't talk to certain people and he was definitely one of them. i'm so glad that i saw him though. he made me feel like there's someone that really cares (which was him, of course) for me out there and someone is watching over me. he told me he was tired of me getting so fucked over and it's actually starting to upset him. why aren't there more people like that? i can't wait to see him again. i hope we can go back to where we were months ago. that's how i want it to be. he's one of the few genuine people i've met. along with crystal (luv uuuuuu). not to mention when i turn 18 he'll def do a tattoo for me. and he's pretty fuckin good. :P

as for my friends, i'm ready to distance the fuck outta myself from some of you. i'm about tired of this shit. but as for others, i'm gonna get closer to you. i want to meet new people this summer and rekindle relationships that i had last summer that i don't have now. or even before that. just old friends. and new friends. i kind of want a new start, but i can't really do that being 17 years old. oh well. i'll do my best. 

i'm changing this summer. i'm going to find a hobby. something i'm creative at (let's hope. probably gonna try photography). become more productive (even though it's summer. i'm still gonna be lazy as hell sometimes). when i start working, i'm gonna work more. i'm becoming a better person. and it's all because of recent events. and i'm so glad that i realized i can do this. no one can tell me i can't nor i won't. and i'm ready.

Now that you are out of my life, 
I'm so much better,
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
But I'm stronger,
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
But I'm richer,
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
Now I'm wiser,
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
But I'm smarter,
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
But I'm chillin'

I'm a survivor,
I'm not gonna give up,
I'm not gon' stop,
I'm gonna work harder,
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it,
I will survive,
Keep on survivin',
I'm a survivor,
I'm not gonna give up,
I'm not gon' stop,
I'm gonna work harder,
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it,
I will survive,
Keep on survivin'.

Thought I couldn't breathe without you,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you,
Perfect vision,
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
But I'm on top,
Though it would be over by now,
But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct,
But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gon' be here.

also,

i'm apparently a boring person. i mean, to some people yeah i probably am. i mean, i probably was to you mostly because your talents overshadow the one's i don't have. i kind of felt incompetent, not gonna lie. 
not many people find my amusement well...amusing. some do.

alright, time to vent. 

so, i'm pretty sure something "extraordinary" might have come out of it if there would have been more effort put in from one side. i mean, at first everything was perfect. it was just how i wanted something to be but as weeks moved on, things didn't get better, or worse. then they began to get worse and something hurt me almost every day. i felt distanced. all i could do was talk to my friends about the situation but i was too scared to ever say anything because once i saw you, i just melted because of the way you looked at me, and i knew everything that used to be and i didn't want that to end even though it already did. i wanted to end it. i was tired of hurting, but i couldn't do it. i was trying to let you show me you could improve. i wonder if you were waiting on the same thing.  i wish we could have gone back to the beginning. i wasn't making you live by standards. i never told you that you couldn't do something unless it was a serious issue. that's how i think i should have acted at least or i would have been a real bitch. and yeah, i am a real bitch sometimes. that's what girls do. at least i'm not a slut. >:/
i'm over being mad about this. i'm over being sad about it. i'm over dealing with this. i just want to move on and learn from the past. i want everything to be okay between us. just as friends. i can't handle anything else right now, if you even wanted to. i don't think i could trust you completely again anyways. i don't think i ever did. i don't even know if i could be friends right now, because it would probably piss me off/hurt me to see you or just whatever. i wish you could have told me how you felt a long time ago, because i could have saved myself and my time. no time was ever wasted, jon moore. it wasn't. everything happens for a reason, and we learn, grow, and live from it. and that's exactly how i plan on doing. and i wish you the best. and nothing but the best.

i'll move on. i'm ready.

wow.

i don't remember posting that entry last night at all.

my b. i take back all that shit i said anyway.
fuck guys. seriously. none of them have yet to fucking impress me and satisfy everything i need.
not to mention all the one's i've been with are going to shit with their life. i hate saying i wasted my time, cause i really did. but i learned from it. never going back. fuck sluts. i hate sluts. like, why is it so damn hard to keep your pants on? what's the positive side of fucking every dude, especially a friend's ex. BADASS. i love people that have morals! 

i don't need 'em. it hurts, but fuck 'em. both of them will fucking get it. if karma doesn't, i will. and that's definitely a promise.