habitual.

i always figured it would just end up like the next one and the next one. it's always the way it goes. i'm 17 years old, that's all i'm gonna know until i grow up and meet more people throughout my life.

but either i'm just dumb or there's just something that i can't let go about it. and i don't even know what that something is. actually, i do. it's the artistic, smart, with a touch of feelings underneath all the imperfections. seems like how it always should be, or is, i guess. but the colors just show through a little more vibrant this time to me, it seems. even though i feel like it's all talk sometimes. and i'm in an endless fantasy land of hope that doesn't exist (obviously, it's fantasy).

not saying i'm perfect, far from it. i'm full of imperfections to the core and half the time i feel like a walking 'nothing'. 

i want to let it go. either some day i will or i'll just remember it forever while it lingers on and on. and i hope whichever one it comes to is the best thing. 

life isn't easy, or even that hard for that matter, but i wish it could cut me a little slack since i'm about to journey through my last year of high school.